AmIdol - 12 Girls

Hi Kids,

 

Last night it was the men, tonight it’s the women. Let’s pray that tonight is worth the wait. 

 

I just watched “The Prestige” so I am writing this as I watch the DVR replay and I’m tired. So this may be interesting. Who knows what I am going to say. So here we go.

Intro. Ryan. Judges. Last night. The girls. Blah Blah Blah Let’s go already!!!

 

First up is Stephanie Edwards. “How Come You Don’t Call Me” . First off, this is a beautiful girl. She’s only 19. Love the dress.  She knows how to work the stage and the audience. Love it. Look at Miss thing dropping down to her knees for effect. She’s gorgeous and she sang the song with conviction. Looks like we are off to an awesome start unlike last night’s “Free (fall) Ride”. 

 

Amy Krebs. “I Can’t Make You Love Me”. Oh gawd. What a plain Jane girl. Her face looks like a feminine version of Napolean Dynamite. “Yessssssssss”. Hey may, want some tots? I can honestly say that even as she is singing, I don’t remember her. Not good. Next.

 

Leslie Hunt. “You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman” Well, I totally doubt it. Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Holly Hunter! I don’t know what to make of that performance. I wanted to like it, but I just couldn’t muster up enough energy to care. I don’t think she should leave, but she needs to do better next week, damnit because the Cha Cha says so!  And I don’t even like her.

 

Sabrina Sloan.”Ain’t Never Loved A Man” Poodle hair, Poodle hair. She kind of looks like a black Gloria Estefan n those interviews. Come On shake your body baby, do the Conga! Well lookee at her. Miss Sabrina Sloan sings loud. She can hit the high notes and she made an excellent choice by not going with a slow song. When Simon said she was the best so far, they showed Stephanie in the red room and she had that “sh*t the biotch sang better than me” look on her face. Love it. She was borderline screechy, but I enjoyed the performance.

 

Antonella Barba: “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”. Ack! Major Suckage alert! Major suckage alert!. Ok the end was decent, but the rest was horrible. She’s horrible. What can I do better? You can go home. That would make the show a hell of a lot better! 

But if it’s any consolation, if that was her dad in the audience, then Antonella wins the hot daddy award.

 

 Oh, and this week’s Paulaese translation:

 “You’re an amazingly beautiful girl” = You sucked, biotch.

 

Jordin Sparks. “Give Me One Reason”. I like Jordin. I can’t believe she’s only 17. She sang that song well. A little pitchy in places, but not bad. Not as good stage presence as Sabrina or Stephanie, but she held her own. She’s safe and I look forward to next week’s performance. Nothing snarky here, folks, keep on moving.

 

Nicole Tranquillo: “Stay” What the fu*k was that little spazz move at the beginning of the song? White girl can’t dance. Who let Lindsey Cardinale back into the competition. And who the fu*k is that white dude in the audience that can’t clap to the beat? Oy. She’s screaming out the high notes. She’s all over the place on the song. It just didn’t work for me. It wasn’t jelling. And Paula, just because you can hit a high note doesn’t mean you are hitting the correct high notes. Plus, she kind of looked trashy. 

 

Haley Scarnato: “It’s All Coming Back To Me Now”. Why, why, WHY do these contestants pick these awful sappy songs? WHY! Enough with Celine. Just stop. OMG, I just had a flashback to the Little Mermaid stage show at

Disneyland

. “Part of this world..:” Wait a minute. Wait one minute. Why isn’t Ariel wearing her costume? Why is her hair brown? And where the hell is Pluto? I think I need a shot of insulin because that was too damn sugary sweet for my taste. What she saying? She says she’s going to stay who she is? Puh-lease, if that’s the case, then you might as well drop out now, go back to San Antone and continue to “live my life fully through God.” So over you. Next!

 

Melinda Doolittle. “Since You’ve Been Gone”. She used to be a background singer. Girl has no neck. Big face. Big voice. Not the prettiest, but wow, she can sang. La Doolittle is really workin’ it tonight. Love it.  Plus she’s got a great personality and a beautiful smile and a powerful voice.  Man, the white chicks should be worried. Melinda is fabulous even with the elongated face and no neck. You go, no neck, you go, girl!

 

Alaina Aleaxnder: “Brass in Pocket”. The Pretenders? WTF? Not a song to show off your vocals, but…ok. We shall see. Ok, what the hell is this crap? Who let this girl on stage. It’s a joke, right? She really didn’t make it right? RIGHT? Ugh. I hope she’s gone.

 

Gina Glocksen: “All By Myself”. She said she forgot her words last year in the ollywood rounds. Gina has a rocker chick kind of speaking voice. Looks like she’s going to be the girl with the different color hair every week this year. Why it’s Idol alum Vanessa Olivares/Nikki McKibben/Amy Adams  meets former idol slut Ryan “Meet Me behind the bleachers” Starr meets P!nk. And then she sings….”All By Myself”? HUH? No deal, Howie, no deal. The beginning of the song is horrible. Cheesy, lightweight and not credible at all. I hope it gets better. Ok, it’s only slightly better. And the high note…ugh. My ears are bleeding. Ok Gina, shut it. Shut it now. Oh, the last run was good. But that was it. She has potential, but I just didn’t like the song selection. Did Randy just call her a big girl? I think he did. Oh no he di’in’t! It was ok for me. I didn’t hate it, but I didn’t love it either. I think she’s safe and I am curious to see what she will sing in future weeks. 

 

LaKisha Jones: “And I Am Telling You I’m Not Going”. I have to say that the girl has got balls for singing this song tonight. Wow, she has the big voice to pull it off. She looks good. Not the best looking contestant, but the girl looks good tonight. Ooh girl, look at LaKisha work the stage. She’s tearin’ it up now!  More power. Max power, LaKisha, max power! Um, I think her Max power was not fully charged because she could have held that last note a little longer for a more dramatic effect. Although I enjoyed Ms Jones, I didn’t really care for the ending of the song, but the girl has got chops! {Must. Resist. Meat. Fat jokes}. My concern is, is she a one trick pony? Will she pull a Mandisa on us by going all religious on us? We shall find out in the upcoming weeks. I hope she can tone it down to show a different side of her singing. But tonight? Awesome.

 

So, the girls kicked the guys ass in week one. Solidly kicked their collective asses. And the black chicks solidly kicked the asses of the white chicks. And everyone kicked the ass of Gabriella Solis…no, what’s her name? Antonella.

 

Cha Cha Cha of the night….Melinda Doolitlle. I really enjoyed her performance

 

CHA CHA CHA:

 

Melinda

LaKisha

Stephanie

Jordin

Sabrina

 

HUGE DROP

 

2 Cha Cha’s

Gina

Leslie

 

1.5 Cha cha’s

Amy

Nicole

Haylie

 

1.0 Cha Cha

Alaina

 

Thank You For Playing:

Antonella

 

So we say goodbye to two boys and two girls tomorrow. Not soon enough in my opinion.  How about if we get rid of 4 guys & 4 girls? Let’s go in the express line! Then again, why miss out on the free suckage net week? Never mind!

 
Until next time, I am OUT of here.