Hi Kids,
Another week and another 3 idolettes are gone. Oh, and she who shall remain nameless but her first name starts with a B an in Biotch is also gone.
So we’re down to the final 8 girls. And unless the American Idol gods pull an incredibly huge trick, we already know the six girls who will make it to the finals. So why the charade of putting on a show? Mo Money, Mo Money, Mo Money!
Paris Paris Paris Paris
Lisa: “Where I Stand: Lisa likes Jimi. Lisa plays the electric guitar. What can’t this girl do? Next we learn that Lisa can play the Koto and speak Japanese fluently! She’s a machine. She’s got the straight hair tonight. She sings the song well, but it always seems like she is singing a show tune. It would be nice to hear her sing something in a different genre. The judges think she needs to sing younger songs. So, next week, Miss Tucker will be singing “Electric Youth” or “Only in my Dreams”. I would so die if she Xtina’d it and came out singing “Dirrrrrrrrrrrrrty”. But I bet the Pick would be pissed off. “I wanted to sing that song! It reminds me of warshing ma pig!” Cha Cha.
Melissa: “What About Love”. Melissa sings Heart. Right on. Poor unattractive and forgotten in the mix Melissa. She is giving it her all tonight. You can tell she is going for it. And why the hell not? She knows this is her last performance. Unfortunately giving it her all is not good enough for Melissa. She is not in “The Plan”. I enjoyed the performance but only because you could tell she was really trying. It was a little loud, but it is Heart and when you sing one of Heart’s power songs, you have to muscle your way through it. Simon, right on cue, tells her that the song was horrible and she punched her ticket home. Uh, no, bitch, AI punched her ticket home. We know nothing about this girl. I bet she also had a “rough life” but did we get to see it? Nooooooooo. Granted she was never going to win AI, but she does have that sexy rough voice that I like. Cha Cha for the soon to be cancelled Leather Tuscadero.
Kinnik: Oh, girl, why bother. You’re gone. And to rub salt in the wounds, before Kinnik even takes the stage, Ryan talks to Katharine about the rumors of Kat leaving the show, and also about Kat being pregnant (now that one was due to the poor selection of a blouse that made her look preggos two weeks ago). Then he mentions Kevin Chicken Little and Pregnancy in the same sentence. GROSS. Then they show the little twerp! STOP WITH THE CHICKEN LITTLE EXPOSURE. This mini segment went on for a long time. Finally, Ryan announces Kinnik and they show her video. Kinnik love Chitlins and she says she will “cut you” for them. Now that’s what I’m talking about! Some gangsta talk! And I still think she should have changed her name to Kinnik Skyy Vodka, Drag Chanteuse like I mentioned last week. At least that would have made her interesting. She sings, she sucks. She had potential, but like Melissa, she really wasn’t in “The Plan”. Simon also tells Skyy Vodka that she punched her ticket home and she can now eat as much “chicklets” as she likes. Skyy tells Simon that she will cut him. Kidding. Cha
Katharine: “Think”. Kat can sing. She looks good. She’s wearing jeans that show off the booty. After her performance, Ryan talks to her and she says “fun” a million times and is all giddy and shit. Stop it. But you still get a Cha Cha Cha.
Ayla: “Unwritten”. Natsha Bedingfield. First Ace sings her brother’s song last week and this week we get another Bedingfield song. At least she got the tile correct. Oh joy. And she's not singing a ballad this week! It was good but nothing special. Very underwhelming. And she just looks weird on stage. She’s pretty and all, but I think it’s because she’s so damn tall. She kind of looks like a singing stork on stage. Ayla seems to be a Daddy’s girl. Tomboy. Doesn't wear make-up. Mom’s the tv personality so maybe she went Joan Crawford on little Ayla? Cha Cha.
Mandisa: “I’m Every Women”. Yes, Mandisa is certainly awoman! But in those jeans, you ARE every woman. Man, she has a huge booty. But boy can she sing the shat out of a song. I thought Melissa powered her way through Chaka. THIS is power. I was blown out my chair and plastered against the wall when Mandisa got going. After weeks of showcasing the strength of her vocals, it would be nice to see if she can tone it down a little and sing a nice ballad one of these weeks. The Mandisa is definitely a finalist. Judges love her. And WTF? Did Randy just say Mandisa set the “Bitchmark” of the night? Is that what I heard? Randy would so rock if he did say “Bitchmark”. The only thing better would be if Paula dropped an F bomb on the show. Paula: “Mandisa, you are F-in’ awesome!” Now, that would rock. Cha Cha Cha.
Kellie. “I’m the Only One”. Piglet has her sexy look going tonight. OMG, she look’s like a young Joan Van Ark in that shot. Valene!“Mama, where’s Bobby & Betsy! Where’s Gary
But in a strange twist of fate, since everyone else was pretty much average tonight, at least Piglet’s performance was entertaining. She’s not the best singer, but at least she’s...somethin'. KINNIK I SAID CUT ME NOW! Cha Cha
So it was a very very VERY average night and unless the phones dies, we will say buh-bye to Melinda? Mellina? Moesha? and Kinnik Skyy Vodka.
1. Mandisa
2. Katharine
DROP
3. Lisa
4. Piglet
5. Ayla
6. Paris
7. Melissa
DROP
8. Kinnik
Tonight is the men’s turn. Who’s going to fly? Who’s going to die? How bad will Chicken Little sing? Will Ace get by another week on his smoldering looks and hair play? And most important, How hot will Chris look tonight? I am OUT of here.
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