Hi Kids,
I was looking over my notes to write the Cha Cha report, but the notes were literally one page long. All it said was..."This Sucks", "This blows chunks" and "Sack of sugary shit that doesn't even qualify as Splenda"
So here is the Cha Cha Cha recap of the finals:
Original Song Bo: "Long, Long Road": Should have been called "Long Long Road, but it is a Short Run to the Can to Blow Chunks" And here comes the chorus. I think that's one of the stipulations of American Idol. Clause 1231452136. Subsection 45131325, paragraph 835: "Said finalist shall use a "chorus" when singing the final original song"
The judges all say that the song is wrong and it was dreary. Hey, brainiacs, it wasn't the finalists’ choice to choose these crock pot of crap songs. I think you should address the writer(s) of the song. Bo made the best of a song he would never, ever, EV.ER sing in real life. This is a song for...
Original Song Carrie: "Inside Your Heaven." First and foremost, what the fu*k is that supposed to mean? Yeah, inside my heaven this song sucks. This has got to be the worst song written for an idol, ever. I feel sorry for Carrie but she probably thinks this is a pretty song even though she doesn't know what it means since there are no pigs, goats, cows or chickens mentioned in the song. Maybe the song mentions cheese. Because in Carrie's heaven there is cheese. Lots of cheese. But I do know that the songwriters cut the cheese on this one. Peeee-yewww. And here comes the freakin' chorus again.
Round 1: Juanita Barber because I downloaded the clip of her singing "What about the Children" while the finalists were singing since the two songs were sucking the energy right out of me.
Round 2: Songs they sang before, aka, "Vehicle" vs. "Independence Day" You know how the performances went why go into it. Winner of round 2: Bo. Carrie may have the better vocals, but it's always textbook singing with her. Throw and show no emotion when singing the song.
Round 3: Original Song 2.
Bo sings that "Inside Your Crap" song. Again, it's another song Bo would never sing and totally not the right genre for him. But we knew this going into the finals that Bo would not fit singing the bombastic, overproduced, sugary dreck that the finalists are required to sing.
Carrie: "Angels Brought Me Here" Oh, this is the original song for Guy Sebastian in Aussie Idol 1. He took it to #1. No matter because the song is still a pile of doo doo..which means it's a perfect song for Carrie to sing. I didn't listen to the entire song because it was just way over sung and overproduced.
Simon says she did enough to win. No, really? That's a shock. After all, you did crown her winner from the get go. Now let's see her outsell all other idols like you predicted.
I think if the studio audience was the only vote, the winner would clearly be Bo as he got the bigger response.
Well that's it. Another AI season is over. We get a video of the season which means mostly showing clips of the bad singers again and again and again.
So, who wins? You know, I just don't care. Both will get a contract. Bo has probably shot his credibility as a rocker by just appearing on the show. Hanging the American Idol tag around his neck may just be the final nail in the coffin. Carrie is young and will probably benefit more from the Crown since she can fit the pop/country/princess mode. On that note,
Bo:
Technical: 3
Artistic: 3.5
Je Nais Se Quoi: 3
Overall Cha Cha Cha Factor: 3.2
Carrie:
Technical: 3.5
Artistic: 3
Je Nais Se Quoi: 2.5
Overall Cha Cha Cha Factor: 3.0
Who should win: Bo 3.2 - 3.0
Who Will win: Carrie because it was meant to be and they want to sell records.
Who cares: Maybe 15 people?
Well, that's it. Another season of Idol has come and gone. All that's left is tonight's stretched out, one hour and 45 minutes too long finale. Thanks for enduring these recaps this season. It's been fun. Really it has been because after Nadia left, I had no vested interest in any of the remaining contestants. Go Slingblade!
Have fun watching the finals, kids. This Cha Cha Cha bitch is skipping the show so he can get cultured. Yes, I am going to see a play. And a real play at that. No singing, no dancing, no glorified drag queens, no music of Abba and definitely no naked men showering on stage. Damn, really? Then what's the point of going to see a dramatic play? Just kidding.
Thanks again my little ducklings. Have fun, play fair, be safe and always always ALWAYS ask youself: "What about the Cheeeeeeldren?"
Cha Cha Cha is OUT of here.
Comments