AmIdol - Top 11

Sorry for the delay...I am a bit tardy!

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Hi Kids!

Top 11.  Ryan wearing a red t-shirt that says he likes expensive shirts. 

Tonight’s theme is Billboard #1 hits. They show a clip with Fred Bronson, Billboard Chart Beat writer and author of the book, Billboard’s #1 Hits.

This is going to be short & sweet:

Anthony: “I Knew You Were Waiting For Me” Feds is wearing a T-Shirt, Jacket & jeans. Very Vanilla performance. He’s just not stepping it up. He’s got “soft poofy hair” tonight. A nod to George Michael & his Wham days? What next, Feddy getting busted in the AI bathroom for blowing Simon, Ryan, Randy and Paula?    Fed should have ditched the jacket and showed off the guns.  Minus points for showing no bulge at all in those tight jeans.

Technical: 2.5
Artistic: 2.5
Je Nais Se Quoi: 2.5
Cha Cha: 2.5

Carrie: “Alone” by Heart. Holy Big Ass Wind Blown Hair, Batman. WTF? I get it an ode to the 80’s. Although she looks like she has Bonnie Tyler “Faster than the Speed of Light” album cover hair. Carrie is wearing black tonight. She’s really belting the song. It's quite the change from her Country sounding roots. Simon says she will sell more records than any other idol. Ok, that’s a slap in a face to every other idol contestant. I think the girls on Nashville Star are better performers than Carrie. Good voice, but she’s just a stick in the mud on stage. And I think if she highlighted her hair red & orange, she could be Heat Miser.

T: 4
A: 3
J: 3
Cha Cha: 3.3

Donny Osmond in the house! As a side note, I just ordered Osmondmania or something like that from BMG Music. The Osmond’s greatest hits & more but excluding Jimmy Osmond’s “Long Haired Lover from Liverpool” song. Yeah, I’m sick & twisted. Crazy Horses! Whaaaa Whaaa, Crazy Horses!

Scott: Slingblade is going to sing “Against All Odds” Well, at least it’s one unattractive guy singing another unattractive guy’s song. And what the hell is he wearing? Oversized white t-shirt, baggy pants, long black shirt/coat, cap askew and shades. Dude, it’s not hip-hop night. OMG, he takes off the cap…and now the shades. NO MORE, Slingblade, No More. No Mas. No Mas. Vocally, it was ok, but I just can’t get past the blah factor.
T: 3
A: 2
J: 2
Cha Cha: 2.3

Bo:  “Time In A Bottle”
I love this song! BO starts the song sitting on stage. It’s the softer side of Bo. Black Embroidered shirt with Sanctuary crosses on the shoulders with quilt like patterned pants. He looks like an extra in “Hair”. He’s got a guitar player sitting on stage. Nice job. Simon makes a comment about it doesn’t seem like Bo’s even in a competition. I agree. Bo’s beyond the competition. The rest, except for maybe Nadia are amateurs.
T: 4
A: 4
J: 4
Cha Cha: 4

Nikko:  “Incomplete”
A Sisqo song. Don’t know. Don’t care to know it. Nikko’s all in black tonight. Black Suit with a black trench draped worn almost cloak like and a Fedora. He does look very handsome tonight. But I’m not a fan of his higher pitched, go blow your nose, voice.
He does a lot of runs in this so-oo-oooo-nnn-ooo-oooong-gagagagaga.
T:2.5
A:4
J: 3
Cha Cha: 3.17

Vonzell: “Best of My Love” Ah yes, The Emotions! V’s wearing a pink tank, silver disco belt and what the hell do you call those pants…kulots? She’s got the messy hair tonight. Looks like one of those do’s that a fancy dog might wear. At least she’s showing some personality tonight. The judges like her performance but I thought she was shouting her way through the song. There is nothing special for me for this average performer. And those pants are horrible. I think my grandmother had the exact pant.
T: 3
A: 3
J: 3
Cha Cha: 3

Constantine: “I Think I Love You” So, David Cassidy 2005 is going to sing the Partridge Family’s biggest hits. Too bad Donny was sitting in the audience and not David. And whatever “rocker” credibility that Constantcrappy had left has just been flushed down the toilet. He is officially Vegas now. He’s wearing an unbuttoned Henley t-shirt, under a pinstripe suit and a long striped scarf. SO he’s kind of going for a modern 80’s rocker look singing The Partridge Family. There’s got to be something wrong with this picture. What is this? Sweden? Constantonedeaf is really working that double chin and the song. Simon has the comment of the night when he compares Constipation to, when you order a guard dog, they deliver a poodle in a leather jacket! The dude does have stage presence.

T: 3
A: 3
J:3.5
Cha Cha: 3.2

Nadia: “Time After Time” Wow. What a look. Nads is wearing a Big ass Mohawk tonight. Think Anabella from Bow Wow Wow. Or, if you’ve seen the cover of Dead or Alive’s “Evolution” cd, then it’s the same Mohawk that Pete Burns wears. So the song starts off like the traditional Cyndi Lauper “TAT” but then a sort of a combination ska/electronic two-step/rock version kicks in. It's a different take on Time After Time. Sort of like INOJ’s remake meets The Killers. Interesting. It’s not her best vocally, but I’m glad that she’s bold and takes risks. Unlike some of the other bland contestants. Not sure if this is going to be similar to Tmayra's "New Attitude" performance. Let's hope not.
T: 2.5
A: 3
J: 4
Cha Cha:  3.2

Ok they show that commercial where a model is hooked up to a lie detector and they ask this lady how old she is and she say’s 28. Yeah, right! Like we’re supposed to believe that this 45 year old is 28! At least get a younger looking model to play the part. Sheesh.

Back to the show.

Mikalah: “Love Will Lead You Back” WTF is this stinking pile of doggie doo-doo? This girl, who was once so fun and promising, has lost it. The singing is horrendous and she’s not fun anymore. Randy calls it. What happened to the fun 16-year old from the auditions? And if she was going to perform Taylor Dayne, she should have picked “Prove Your Love” I don’t care if it didn’t go to #1…I think it went #1 on the dance charts so that counts.
T: 1
A: 3
J: 3
Cha Cha: 2.3

Anwar: “Ain’t Nobody  Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan….
Anwar is wearing an unbuttoned down to there green shirt under a brown jacket & jeans. He has long legs. He starts off the song off key or something. It’s just sounding weird. Wrong pitch? He’s working the stage but he looks awkward trying to be funky. From the long shot, he looks like Milli…or is it Vanilli…or is it just plain silly? He hits his trademark last note, but it’s not enough for me. I’m over Anwar.
T: 3
A:3
J:3

Cha Cha: 3.0

Jessica: Costume Queen is going to sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” which is probably my favorite song choice of the night. Now Jessica looks like Taylor Dayne and she should have sang the song Mikalah sang. Anyhoo, Jessica is wearing this glittery blouse that sort of makes her look like a glittery tulip. And “the girls” are there, but restrained tonight. She’s also got smoky eyes. She does a good job with the song. She’s a belter and this performance is much better than last week. I think Jessica has the best potential for being a white dance diva ala Kristine W or Amber. I don’t think she’s quite up there with Anastacia, but she’s definitely got non-mainstream potential. And come on, you know she’s a fag hag!
T: 3.5
A:3
J: 3.5
Cha Cha:   3.33

So crunching the numbers, here’s how the 11 lambs rank. And mind you, this is taking into account the entire package (but not A-Fed because he didn’t show any tonight) not just voice.

1. Bojangles: 4: Solid as a rock

2. Jessica S: 3.3: Dance Diva Dance

2. Carrie On Wayward…Daughter?: 3.3. Although   
   she was the strongest vocally tonight.

4. Nadia: 3.2: Albeit weak vocals tonight, she
   still has that star quality that holds her   
   up.  OMG, she was Sasha Cohen tonight!

4. Constipation: 3.2:  But only because he does
   have this “I HATE Him” star quality. Paging 
   Paris Hilton

6. Nikko: 3.17:  I still think replacement member
   for the re-formed Boyz II Men.

7. Anwar: 3.0: Dropping faster than Britney’s
   career.

8. Vonzell 3.0:  2-3 more weeks

9. Anthony: 2.5: Maybe he should start inquiring
   about “modeling” opportunities in West 
   Hollywood.

10. Scott:  2.3. Decent voice.  But I just don’t
    want to see him. 

11. Mikalah: 2.3: Memories, Light the corners of
    my mind, misty water-colored memories of the
    way YOU were. Buh-bye. 

America will put Mikalah, Nadia and Scott in the bottom 3.  Mikalah will go.

Well, that’s it for me. I’m done. Can’t we do a “shocking” American Idol episode next week and ax 5 contestants? I don’t think I can endure 10 more weeks!
Be Good, play fair and keep your Cha Cha’s in check!

Cha Cha Cha is OUT of here.