Hi Kids!
6 Down, 6 remain.
Theme for tonight: Songs from 2000 until present.
Tonight they are going to show the hometown of each of idolettes.
First up is Carrie from Checota which is apparently the next town in between Pleasantville and Hootersville. Is that Arnold the pig? Carries sings Martina McBride’s “When God-Fearin’ Women Get The Blues.” Ok, she’s going back to Country. Eew. This sounds off. Not a good song choice for Princess. There’s the notorious chicken shit squat move. The girl has no rhythm. She don’t dance. But then again, She don’t drink, she don’t smoke, what do she do? She don’t drink she don’t smoke, what do she do? Goody Two, Goody Two, Goody Goody Two shoes, Goody Two, Goody Two, Goody Goody Two shoes. Carrie hits a couple of the big notes at the end but not enough to save the performance for me. Randy says something was a little off with her vocals. Paula tries to be serious and says “blah blah blah song selection, blah blah blubber” but you know she meant “I didn’t fu*k that loser low life scumbag prick muthafu*ker Corey Clark” Simon says her fans are going to like that performance. Well, I guess that’s why I didn’t like this performance. Because “I’m not one of her faaaaaaaaans!”
Technical Merit: 3
Artistic Merit: 2
Je Nais Se Quoi: 2.5
Overall Cha Cha Score: 2.5
By the way, Congratulations to Erika Jo, who won pulled the upset and won Nashville Star 3 over super hot Cowboy Stud Jason Meadows. The Rock-a-billy cop Jody Evans finishes third. I think Erika and Jason both can have a good career in Country music. And Erika could give Carrie Underwhelmingwood a lesson on how to perform on stage.
Clay Aiken is in the audience. There’s banter between Clay & Ryan. I thought the show gave a big f-u to Clay? I’m sure Simon & Simon are not happy that they gave Miss Aiken some air time.
Bo: Helena, AL. He’s got his own house and he’s got a pretty girlfriend. And he has one hot Mama! Wow. Ha, look at Bo. He’s wearing his hippie poncho shirt, jeans and big bono-like glasses! He’s singing Gavin De Graw’s “I Don’t Want To Be” which is a song I am not familiar with. But Bo’s working the stage and really performing the song. Oh no, he’s carrying that damn mic stand around again. PUT IT DOWN! Oh there, he rips the mic off the mic stand and works it. And then he does a mic stand twirl. Cool. I’m not a real fan of the song selection, but he does pull it off well. Nice job. The judges love it. The audience is going HELLA CRAZY. That’s probably the loudest reaction to a performance this year.
Technical Merit: 3
Artistic Merit: 4
Je Nais Se Quoi: 4
Overall Cha Cha Score: 3.7
Vonzell: Fort Myers, FL. Dad calls her Baby V but we already knew that. Her brothers are not very attractive. She sings Xtina’s “I Turn To You” It’s ok on certain notes and off on others. You can see Paula in the background shot raising her hands to praise Jeebus. That or she’s praying to a higher power that a lightning bolt will strike down Corey Clark…and Justin Guarini. I’m not 100% sold on Vonzell. She looks good, she has a warm personality, but listen carefully….SHE’S NOT THAT GOOD. She can be any R&B singer out there because she is just not that memorable. Randy & Paula love it. Are they off the Carrie bandwagon and now jumping aboard the Vonzell bandwagon? I say let the bandwagon run ‘em over. Simon says that while it sounded good live, he doesn’t think it sounded as good on tv. The crowd boos.
Technical Merit: 3
Artistic Merit: 3
Je Nais Se Quoi: 3
Overall Cha Cha Score: 3
Heather Locklear & her daughters are in the audience. She looks good for a lady of 52. Where’s Ritchie Sambora? Or is each of her kids from a different Rocker? Oh, I know, she’s thinking of trading in Ritchie for someone new. Does she have her sights on Bo? Or worse…Constantine???? Because we all know that Heather is a bad grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl.
Speaking of Bad Grrrrrrrrrrrls, next up is bad song selection girl, Anthony. He’s from Trevose, PA. In his video he says he’s originally from Ukraine. Oh really? I didn’t know that? Did you know that he was from the Ukraine? Wow, what a shock. I don’t think we’ve ever heard THAT before you “Coming to America ” fu*ktard. Anthony plays a tape of him “singing when he was like 18 months old. His papa says that Anthony is a dreamaker. He certainly is. But I would correct Anatoly Papa by saying that Feddy is s more of a wet dreamaker to some, and a nightmare to others. He’s wearing a suit tonight. He sings Saline Dijon’s “I Surrender” First thought is, does this guy WANT to get eliminated? He’s doing a good finally showing some true emotion. He can hit the higher power notes to save the performance. I think I would have preferred him throwing in a verse in Russian because that would have made the performance interesting for me. Maybe he should have performed Nikki French’s dance version of the song. Check that. We remember Fievel trying to do an upbeat number. Not good. Oh well. Wetdream Maker gets:
Technical Merit: 3
Artistic Merit: 3.5
Je Nais Se Quoi: 3
Overall Cha Cha Score: 3.2
Constantine form New York, New York. Why am I not surprised. He’s from Brooklyn. Mom’s put together. I bet she was tough on them. Mom says Constantine was a good kid, but a pain in the rear as a teenager! Cool mom. Constantine sings Nickelback’s “How You Remind Me” Again, I am not familiar with the song although apparently, it was quite popular on the radio. Constantine is going with the rock persona tonight. No eyeliner. I’m not crazy about his singing tonight. And he’s doing too much mugging for the camera. And enough with the kick the camera move. It’s tired already. His strength is his ability to “perform” the song. I still don’t buy him as a “rocker” He is an actor who can morph himself into different genres. Great for the stage. Contantlymuggingforthecamerawhore gets:
Technical Merit: 2.5
Artistic Merit: 3
Je Nais Se Quoi: 3.5
Overall Cha Cha Score: 3
Slingblade Savol. Shaker Heights, Oh Man, even as a little kid he was not too attractive. His parents thought he was going to be a priest? Ha, little did they know they were looking in the wrong direction. Scott says that he represents the Average Joe. I guess that’s reason #1 for not trying to be average. Then he says if you go to Cleveland, you’ll see a bunch of guys looking like him walking around. So that’s why Cleveland gets such a bad rap! Note to self: Never Ever go to Cleveland. Scott sings Luther Vandross’ “Dance With My Father” Oh, this is the softer side of Slingblade. He’s doing his trademark stubby finger point. He’s rocking back & forth mmmm hmmm. Not much stage presence mmmm hmmmm. It’s like dressing Jabba the Hutt up in a suit sticking a mic in his hand and telling him to “Sing!” Average voice, less than average performance. Simon says he should pack his bags tonight.
Technical Merit: 2.5
Artistic Merit: 2
Je Nais Se Quoi: 2
Overall Cha Cha Score: 2.2
Overall, the night sucked. It was a wasted night full of crappy song selections. I was flipping back and forth between the Nashville Star finals and AI. Either it was poor song selections or the songs from 2000 & on SUCK. I think it was both.
Bo: 3.7
Anthony: 3.2
Vonzell: 3.0
Constantine: 3.0
Carrie: 2.5
Scott: 2.2
So the Brady 6 will be no more after tonight. Who will be eliminated? We have the boys Constantine (Greg/Johnny Bravo), Bo (Peter?) and Anthony (Bobby) and Scott (Cousin Oliver).. And then we have the Girls: Carrie (Marcia Marcia Marica) and Vonzell (Cindy). Jan’s not there because nobody remembers Jan.
America bottom three: No clue. Scott, Anthony and Carrie?
Who goes: Scott but I would laugh my ass off if he survives another week and picks off Anthony or Carrie. As long as it’s not Bo.
Be good, play fair and Cha Cha Cha is OUT of here.
Comments