AmIdol - The Final 7

Hi Kids!

And here we go again.  Bring out the idolettes.  Bring on the Sudafed.

Theme: 70’s Dance Music. This should be good. I bet they wanted to do Disco but since Bo is there, they changed it to “Dance Music” since Bo Don’t Do Disco. Constantwhore says “Let’s Boogie” Slingblade says something like “No one is going to keep up with me” I’m not sure if he’s talking about his weight or his ability to suck.

First up is Constantina. A video shows Constantine doing his best John Travolta S.N.F. imitation with the finger pointing. He’s got highlights and a soft wave to his hair and he is wearing eyeliner. Is he trying to go Bowie on us? C sings the Bee Gees “Nights on Broadway”. Woah. What was that? A scary shot of some platinum blonde woman in the audience. Is Constantine’s mom a drag queen? Constantine sings the song well. He definitely has the showmanship. Not the best vocals in the competition, but he does have that stage presence and professionalism that the other finalists, excluding Bo, lack. Randy says it was aiiight. Paula says he’s got presence. Simon says C’s on a roll, but it was like watching a “ghastly” waiter at a Spanish restaurant. I say he was good and entertaining. I didn't like Constanpimp at first, but I'm warming up to his performances. At least he makes the show interesting.

Technical Merit: 3
Artistic Merit: 4
Je Nais Se Quoi: 4
Overall Cha Cha Score: 3.7

Carrie: “MacAuthur Park” Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We all know what was left out in the rain. It was Carrie. Because the rain made that bad perm frizz. And did she steal that dress from some poor old woman at a retirement home? OK, on Dance Music night, you would think that the singer would show some energy and dance, right? I guess in Oklahoma, they don’t dance. Is Carrie from the same town where, legend has it, a city boy from Chicago once raised the ire of the town by wanting to hold a (gasp) senior Dance? Carrie walks left. Stops, sings. Carrie walks left. Stops. Sings. It’s like watching a freaking Miss America pageant. Carrie finally shows some dancing by waving her hand in the air a couple of times. She doesn’t even move her hips. . She’s definitely got the pipes, but she has that blank look in her eyes and does not connect with the song in any way, shape for form. A total by the book performance. Just get out there and power your way through the song and snowball the audience.

Technical Merit: 4
Artistic Merit: 2
Je Nais Se Quoi: 3.5
Overall Cha Cha Score: 3.2


Slingblade Savol. “Everlasting Love” by Carl Carlton. I used to love this song in the 70’s. Slingblade is showing chest hair tonight. Oh looky, he’s doing his trademark stubby finger point. The guy has a decent voice, but man, is he unpleasant to look at. With his fuzz head, he looks like a friggin’ singing Chia pet. And I hate it when he claps for himself. Randy and Paula like it. Simon calls Scott ordinary. I guess that makes everyone else in this world extraordinary.

Technical Merit: 3
Artistic Merit: 2
Je Nais Se Quoi: 2
Overall Cha Cha Score: 2.3


Anthony: Ok, this could be scary. Remember in the announcement of the finalists video, where they all did this happy dance, Anatoly was the one who did that damn sprinkler move that every white straight boy does at weddings. Is it going to be like Clay singing “Grease” or Josh butchering “Celebration?” So, Fed’s song choice is Tavares’ “Don’t Take Away The Music” Interesting choice. Anthony has a slim fit shirt and tight jeans. Yes, the guy can sing, but boy is he bland. I think a better song choice for him would have been David Naughton’s “Makin’ It” I think the problem with Feddy is the same with Carrie. They don’t feel the song. They just go out there and power though it.

Technical Merit: 3.5
Artistic Merit: 3
Je Nais Se Quoi: 3
Overall Cha Cha Score: 2.8

I MISS NADIA

Vonzell: “I’m Every Woman” by Chaka Khan. Oh no, she’s not going to try to tackle Miss Chaka Khan is she? V is wearing a sleeveless blouse and tight jeans that show off her booty. The background singers are really loud and helping her along. Paula is losing her freakin’ mind. Sit Down, Paula. This isn’t Studio 54 although we know you are strung out on something. V has a very pleasing personality and I think it carries her through the song. It’s funny with V because I just don’t know if she has a good voice or not. Sometimes it sound good, but at other times, it just sounds average. At least she shows more energy and emotion than Carrie.

Technical Merit: 3.0
Artistic Merit: 3.5
Je Nais Se Quoi: 3.5
Overall Cha Cha Score: 3.3


Anwar: Another scary thought because IMHO, Anwar can’t dance. And I bet he was pissed off at song selection time because I bet he wanted to sing “I’m Every Woman” Can you hear the conversation with Vonzell? “Bitch, please, I don’t care if the song is called ‘I’m Every Woman’ and I don’t care if it was sung by a woman. Everyone knows that’s MY song!!!” Without the choice of that song, Anwar chooses EWF’s “September” He’s wearing a dark velvet coat, black printed shirt and slacks. I’m thinking he’s going to nail this one. He sings well, but he always sounds the same. He should stick to ballads. And as I feared, his dancing skills suck. He’s jumping around like a fools and he was doing this weird step thing/marching thing that wasn’t even in time with the music.

Technical Merit: 3.0
Artistic Merit: 3.0
Je Nais Se Quoi: 3.0
Overall Cha Cha Score: 3.0

Bo: “Vehicle” First off, I wouldn’t consider this dance music, but I guess if you call the chicken dance or Achy Breaky Heart dance music, then hey, go for it, Bo. And he nails this song. I still don’t like how he carries the mic stand around on stage, but this is his genre. He looks comfortable singing this song and like Constantine, knows how to work the stage and be an entertainer. And I have always liked this song ever since I saw another singer cover it in a concert that I saw in the 70’s. Good job, Bo’s back. Although for his own career, he should ditch the show…Now.

Technical Merit: 3.0
Artistic Merit: 4.0
Je Nais Se Quoi: 4.0
Overall Cha Cha Score: 3.7


Vonzell: 3.3
Carrie: 3.2
Constipation: 3.7
Bo: 3.7
Anthony: 3.2
Anwar: 3.0
Slingblade: 2.3

America’s bottom 3:  Scott, Anwar  and Anthony

Scott will get the boot but in a cruel, jaded and petty wish, I hope he stays since I think it would be hilarious if he kept advancing to at least the Final Four.

Be good, play fair and remember;
I'm solid gold
I've got the goods
They stand when I walk
Through the neighborhoods
I'm makin' it
I've got the chance
I'm takin' it
No more, no more
Fakin' it
This time in life
I'm makin' it (oh-oh-oh)
Makin' it!

Cha Cha Cha is OUT of here.

********

Post results:

Well, Anwar gets shown the door while Slingblade survives another week.
Next target - Feddy.