Hi Kids,
Here we are! Top 10! Motown Night. Ryan looking snappy in a Black shirt & white suit. #1 show in America. We have a band tonight. It’s the Funk Brother, aka, The Sound Of Motown! Aiiight. Here comes The idol! Wave Wave Wave. There are the Judges. Boo, hisss. And here are the guest judges Ashford & Simpson and it appears that Nicholas has had a lot more facial work than Valerie. Sure, Nickie, wink, wink, it’s the “Facial Product” that makes you stay “fresh”. Uh-huh, uh-huh.
Here we go, first up is Camille. Now I read that Camille’s dad told the Honolulu Advertiser that Camille would change her image this week and do a fast song since the slow songs aren’t working. And Camille does sing a fast song. “For Once in My Life”. She finally has some energy and has lost the Deer/Camille in headlights look. But...she still sucks. Her voice is tentative and almost goat like with the wavering. Randy is not impressed. In what turns out to be the funniest moment of the show, Paula slips and calls Camille “Goat Girl Raaaaaasmussen!” Actually, she slips and calls her Carmen. Ha! Simon says Carmenille is average and has one more week in the competition. Paula makes some stupid comment. Paula needs to shut up. I mean, just because she had a career based on her videos, she seems to stand up for the weak singers…paging Leah Vladsucky Labelle. Cha+
JPL. JPL discovers hair product this week. He’s wearing jeans, a t-shirt that has some kind of poem on it and a brown leather jacket. “This Old Heart Of Mine”. It might have been more interesting if he sang “This Old Fart Of Mine” because this performance blew. Tonight JPL reminded me of an adult Bobby Brady. Yes, it’s Michael Lookinland, ladies and gentlemen. Where’s Johnny Bravo when you need him? Pitch, flat, crap. Randy not digging him. Paula just says his pitch was better this week…although I don’t remember her telling JPL that his pitch was bad last week. Simon calls it an Amateurish performance. A&S comments? blah blah blah. Blah Blah performance. Cha+
Latoya. “Ooh Baby Baby”. Latwatya slowing things down this week! She’s got nasty extensions in her hair that kind of make her look like something a character out of Xena, warrior princess. She starts off shaky and like Randy, I’m a little nervous. But then she kicks it in. Wow. While she has a good performance, I am not wowed by Latoya this week. Some parts of the song were a little off to me, but other parts rocked. Randy & Simon thrash her on her hair. Cha Cha+
Amy is “Dancing In The Street” Yeah, and people in the hood are throwing things at her screaming “Shut Up, Bitch!”,“Go Dance on Someone Else’s Street!” and the timeless but classic “Boooooooo.” I hate the blouse that she’s wearing as it does not flatter her figure. And the glitter “note” that comprises one of the straps on her blouse is just cheesy. Amy definitely has energy and a great bubbly personality, but vocally, it wasn’t there for me. Simon says she reminds him of Jay Leno’s sister. Amy laughs it off. Average Amy is just average this week. She gets a Cha Cha from me.
John Stevens. Surprise! He’s wearing a suit. Wow, way to change things up, John. This is going to be interesting because I just can’t imagine John singing Motown. John is going to sing “My Girl.” Ok, this is John’s choreography. Bobbing up, down, up, down, up, down, but at least it's to the beat. The singing? Weak, weak and weak. John proves that he is the proverbial “One Trick Pony” as he annihilates the song. John has a wretched and God awful performance. He has no stage presence, he's boring and ho-hum. He makes me want to hit the snooze and say "wake me in 5 minutes." John gets a Cha- this week. Hey, everyone, let’s get some milk & cookies! Don’t forget to wear your housedress & pearls! Jeepers! Barf.
Jennifer. She's got the straight hair again. “Heatwave” Oh no, this song was a killer for K-Locke last season. Jennifer is shouting. She's in big voice mode and over singing it a wee bit. OK, she's oversing a lot. My ears are bleeding. Jennifer definitely powered her way through the heatwave. She still has bad fashion sense. Judges like her performance this week, even Simon! Wow, that’s a first. Cha Cha
Jasmine. First of all, has anyone noticed that Jasmine is “looking older” as the weeks go by. She’s kind of lost that innocent school girl look. Not that she’s got a Willa Ford or Xtina slut look going, but she definitely looks different. Wouldn't it be a hoot if Jasmine sang Willa's single "A Toast To Men", the uncensored version? Jasmine has a hair pulled back into a ponytail and is wearing a black sleeveless top with Capri Pants. Nice. Tonight’s flower is Blue. “You’re All I Need To Get By” is Jasmeeen’s song of choice. Another Hawaii girl who's ditching the ballad to show a new flavor. Jazzmine is actually working the sage tonight! Kind of shaky in parts, but overall a credible performance. Much better than last week’s “Breathe” The audience love her. Cha Cha+.
Diana. “Do You Love Me” She’s got her hair pulled back which is a look I don’t like on her because it makes her face look chubby. She’s got a strong voice, but I am not in love with her performance. Oh, ICK. We get a shot of Matthole Rogers in the audience. You Media Whore! And he does his clenched fist, Matthole Shimmy. G-R-O-S-S. Go back to your day job in Rancho Cucamonga you arrogant piece of Husky doo-doo. And speaking of Huskies, Huck the Fuskies. Whoops. Sorry, I digress. Back to Diana. Her performance tonight was very Up With People/Disney Stage Production. Simon says it’s like a High School talent show performance. It's average and Motown is not her forte. Cha Cha.
Fantasia. WTF is she wearing? Her top is a ribbed sweater, but it’s like you take the bottom of the sweater and pull it behind your head. SHORT denim skirt and knee high black “gonna walk all over you” boots. “I Heard It Through The Grapevine” is her song of choice. Perfect for Fantasia. Flirting with the band. Great stage presence. Changes the arrangement a little to fit her style. She is consistent. You can count of Fantasia to "Bring It" every week. People don’t care for her attitude but for some reason, I like it. I don’t think I would like her if she was a goody-goody. We have enough goody-goodies in this competition. She's different and that sets her apart from the other Idolettes. Cha Cha Cha for La Fantasiastic.
The final performer is George, the newly crowned winner of Gay.com sponsored “The Gayest American Idol Contestant “pageant. “Ain’t To Proud To Beg” For some reason George is a towel, which could quite possibly be his you know what rag. And then he throws it into the audience! Gross! Memo to George: You need to quit with the bouncing. It's annoying and predictable. It’s kind of like RJ from season one when he would rock back & forth. Stop it already. George definitely has the voice for Motown. He's puts a lot of passion and emotion into his singing. A very good performance. Definitely the top male singer. And would you believe if it weren’t for former should-have-been semi-finalist Donnie’s brush with the law, George would not have been in the round of 32? WTF was up with that? Simon takes back what he said about George being a back-up singer. Cha Cha Cha.
Overall, a very disapointing night. In fact, it was probably the worst night of the season. There clearly is a separation of those with actual talent, and those who are there simply because they are popular with the teeny boppers.
Can’t we just eliminate the three dead weights and just move on to the Top 7?
The Cha Cha Cha order for Motown Night:
Cha Cha Cha: Fantasia, George
Cha Cha+ : Latoya, Jasmine
Cha Cha: Diana, Jennifer
Cha Cha – Amy
Cha+ Camille, JPL
Cha- John
Who should go: John
Who America will send home: I think in a surprise, shocking move, America will see the light and send John Stevens home (please, please, please). He is simply out of his league and does not belong in this competition. But more realistically, Camille will probably be the one to leave.
Well, that’s it for another suck ass week of American Idol. Until next time, stay cool, have fun and if you someone annoys the shiot out of you, Vote ‘em off! The Cha Cha has spoken.
Cha Cha Cha is OUT of here.
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