That Mariner Duck Guy!

AmIdol 5 - Top 24 - The Men

Hi Kids.  Last night it was the ladies, tonight is the guys.  Bring it on, dudes.  Mucho props to the producers for using Robbie Williams’ “Let Me Entertain You” for the men’s “how they got here” clip!  Love Robbie.  So, here we go.  Batter up!

Patrick Hall. 27.  Arkansas.  Thin face. Lanky with a sharp nose. Average looks.  For some reason I can picture him in the 80’s with a mullet.  Anyway, Patrick is going to sing  “Come to my Window” .  I don’t see the Clay Aiken reference that Simon makes.  He’s not bad, has a decent voice, but he’s going first and I will probably forget him by nights end.  Judges review, shot of audience.  Oh.My.Gawd, Becky!  What the hell was that?????  Who is “Patrick’s Friends”?  Who told Carson Kressley to dress up in Drag tonight?  And when did he get a gallon of collagen pumped into his lips? WTF?  I am rolling…ROLLING on the floor laughing.  Wait.  Playback.  OH MY GAWD.  I captured a screen shot.  Funniest moment EVAH on idol.   Who just sang again?   Cha Cha Cha for collagen lips Carson just for the laughs. Patrick gets 2.5 Cha’s.

Love her!  Kids, just say no!

Ok. Back to the show.

David Radford. 17. Illinois. The crooner.  He’s very cute.  “Crazy Little Thing Called Love” Buble style.  Davey’s got a little vibrato happy.  And it doesn’t count when you shake your head like a turk-ey to create the viiiiibrrrraaaatttttooooo.  I think he looked cuter in the auditions. Must be the hair.  He’s got potential. Randy calls it.  He looks like he was performing in a high school musical audition.  He needs to clean it up.  Put on a suit, tone down the movements and just sing.  Think Connick, Buble.  But he’s really cute & the girls and boys (although still jail bait) will like young Radford. 2.0 Cha’s

Bucky Covington. 28, North Carolina.  What language is he speaking? I was waiting for the subtitles to pop up.  I can’t understand the guy.  I swore I heard a “Life is like a box of Choc-lates” somewhere in there.   “Simple Man”.  Skynard!  He “lernt”playing the “gittar”. Right on.  Ok, I don’t remember seeing this guy at all.  Nice voice, dude.  Woah.  Who the hell is that scaring looking chick in the We Heart Bucky t-shirt?  What trailer did they find her? Maybe she hitched a ride to Cali-for-nywith The Pickler?   He’s got a surprisingly smooth rocker voice.  Totally unexpected.  Nice, southern rock.  Ugly mo-fo, but he sure can sing, Jenn-ay.  2.5 Cha’s.

Will Makar. 16. Tejas.  And it’s pronounced Ma-kar. Not Maker.  Too bad because now I can’t say Will “Maker”, Dream breaker.  Ok, I just did.  “I Want You Back” by the Jackson 5. Ok, interesting song selection Will.  And did anyone else find it kind of creepy that a 16 year old who could go by the name of Willy sings a song sang by Michael Jackson?  Granted, it was a different Michael Jackson and he was black back then.  But it’s just too funny on so many levels that a white kid sings a song by a black kid who eventually grows up to be a white woman.   High energy.  Kind of light & fluffy…like a Twinkie.  I don’t know about this one.  It’s kind of like I was watching the Andy Williams show and Young Willy was the long lost Osmond Brother singing a Jackson5 song during one of the musical segments.  And did anyone else see ‘lil Pickler shaking her tooty and getting; down with the white boy soul of Will Makar Dream Breakar. Nice but empty.  You can only have one twink and David is cuter so Willy needs to go bye bye.  2.0 Cha’s.

Jose Penala, 28 from California. Goes by “Sway”.  He’s going to sing “Reasons” by EWF.  Wow, this song throws me back to intermediate school when we would have dances and all the boys would be on one side and all the girls would be on the other and nobody would dance…even though you know we wanted to.  I wanted to dance with Eric Capplonch but in those days, boys didn’t dance with boys unless a 6-pack of beer was involved.  Kidding.  But I digress. Oh yeah, Sway.  He sings the entire song in his best Maurice White falsetto.  Some notes were a little off, but he does hit the glory note that only dogs and Mariah can hear.  Jose does look very sharp in his white fedora. I didn’t love it, but it was good.  2.0 Cha’s

Chris Daughtry. 26.  North Carolina. This guy is sexy hot.  Baldness suits him just fine.  He sings Bon Jovi’s “Wanted Dead or Alive”.  Now Chris said he’s sung this in bars so you know he’s performed this song a gagillion times in bars around the south.  The song obviously suits his vocal stylings and he sings it very well. Nice strong gruff voice. I would like to see how he does with other genres.   2.5 Cha. And did I mention that I just want to rub oil all over his head, then down his bod ant then…Schwing.

Kevin Covais.  NY. 16.  The kid looks like a little kid.  Did mommy & daddy give you permission to stay up late tonight, Kevin?  He looks so young.  Not the American Idol.

“one Last Cry” by Brian McKnight. They need to ban this song.  After Camille botched it last year, I thought they would have banned it.  But no, little Kevin sings it.  He has an ok voice.  He just doesn’t have the charisma to command attention.  He’s a nice kid, but that’s just it.  He’s just a kid and looks like a kid.  Maybe America Junior Idol, but this is the big time.  He reminds me of a toy doll.  And the girls thinks he’s just cute, just like a toy, but when they want the real deal, they will toss his aside like yesterday’s news.  1.0 Cha’s.

Gedeon McKinney. 17. Tennessee.  Big Smile.  He’s going to sing “Shout”.  What a very unusual choice of song.  This could be very gimmicky.  He’s nice looking, very presentable.  This song suits Gideon very well.  It’s fun & entertaining and he’s not wild & all over the place.  Very controlled but yet fun.  The jury’s still out on Gedeon because we didn’t see much of him in the audition rounds.  I would like him to survive so I can hear more of a “regular” song out of him. At first I was hesitant, but the song selection was well done.  2.5 Cha’s

Elliot Yamin. 27. VA.  Yamin must stand for bad teeth because his brother had the same teeth. “If You Really Love Me” by Stevie Wonder.  This guy has a pure smooth & clear voice.  It’s not expected from just looking at the guy. Not the best looking dude.  Nothing stands out about him except maybe he needs dental work.  But his voice is great.  Simon says it may be the best male voice they’ve ever had.  What….better than Jim Verraos?  You must be mad, Cowell.  2.5 Cha’s.

Bobby Bennett, 19, Denver.  He must have been a mile high to select “Copacabana” by Manilow.  Bad bad bad song choice.  Horrible, Muriel.  Just bloody awful.  If I thought Heather Cox sucked last night, Bobby sucked AND swallowed.  It was just that gross.  Since there was a no cha last night, I have to have one tonight and Bobby wins that award.  Nice that you wore the suit, but dude, you are not getting a Dell AND you are getting booted from Idol tonight.

Ace Young, 25, LA.  Aka. The Chosen One.  TCO is very hot.  Pretty look, pretty hair, pretty eyes, and pretty outfit.  TCO is the one to beat.  He sings “Father Figure” by George Michael.  Ace looks like he has a nice bod.  And he knows you know he has a nice bod.  He’s the Constantine of this year, but only the upgraded and better version.  Girls want him, guys want him. And you know Paula wants him. Randy might as well just bend over with the amount of pimping he’s giving Ace.  Simon just says “Ka-Ching, Baby”. I think he’s good but his voice is not the most amazing in the competition. He did pick the perfect song tonight.  2.5 Cha’s.

Taylor Hicks, 29, Alabama.  “Levon” by Elton John.  I don’t get the family values speech but whatever.  This guy can sing.  Loved it.  Of all the guys I “felt” this song the most.  Taylor sings from the heart and you can tell he loves singing.  Beautiful voice, but he is not the best looking fella.  He just looks so old and even with a haircut, he doesn’t have and will never have the Ace factor.  But that’s ok.   Cha Cha Cha.

Overall as a group, the men are stronger than the women.  But, if you narrow it down to 6 & 6, it evens up because there are 4 women who are just awesome.  If America votes on ability rather than sympathy (Pickler) this could be an awesome top 12.

For tonight:

Ace: 2.5 

Taylor: 3.0

Elliot: 2.5

Chris: 2.5

Bucky: 2.5

Patrick: 2.5

Gedeon: 2.5

David: 2.0

Sway: 2.0

Will: 2.0

Kevin: 1.0

Bobby:  None

Tonight 4 singers get eliminated and bring the Idolletes down to 20.

After week 1, my targeted Final 12 would be:

Katharine, Ace, Lisa,Elliot, Mandisa, Gedeon, Ayla, Chris, Kinnik, Bucky,

Paris, Taylor,

But somehow, I have a feeling Pickler & either David or Will be be there.

UNtil next time, be good, play fair & go out & buy yourself a nice box of choc-olates. I am OUT of here!

AmIdol - The Top 10

Hi Kids!

Top 10.  Ryan wearing a red blouse under a coat & jeans.   


First of all, I’m not in a good mood because over on Nashville Star, Tameka Tyler got the lowest number of votes and was eliminated. So, even on the USA, America is stupid. How the hell can they keep Justin Whatshis name over Tameka? Stupid.

Tonight’s theme is Songs from the 90’s.   

Bo –“Remedy” In the interview part I thought for a second Bo was going to say he didn’t remember the 90’s because of all the drugs! Red Velvet shirt, slim fitting slacks, and a huge Cow Print Hillbilly Hat and boots. He looks damn sexy cool tonight. I’m not into this song, and this wasn’t my favorite Bo performance, but he does a good job.

Technical:  3
Artistic: 4
Je Nais Se Quoi: 4
Cha Cha Score: 3.67

Jessica: “On The Side Of Angels”   OK, of all the Leann Rimes songs, you pick this one? 
And of all the songs that are available in the 90’s you pick this one?  What. The. F?
White blouse under a short fitted jacket and jeans. It’s just bleh. Total downgrade from last week. Just an average performance.

T: 3
A: 3
J: 3.
Cha Cha score: 3.0

Anwar: “I Believe I Can Fly” R. Kelly. First half totally sucks. I’ve seen this performance before from Anwar and that’s my problem with him. He ends with the glory notes. Nothing new. I’m over personal ad #12314. All his performances are starting to sound/look alike and he brings nothing new to the table. Randy is spot on by saying Anwar’s lower registers are shaky but he saves himself by always hitting the high notes. Paula is totally out of her freakin’ mind as she loves loves LOVES this performance. Fool. Simon totally agrees with everything Randy said.
T: 2.5
A: 2.5
J: 2.5
Cha Cha score: 2.50

Nadia: “I’m The Only One” Right on. I think the last time this song was performed on idol was when Nikki McKibben sang it in Idol 1. In fact, I think it was the show where Tamyra was “Tamyra’d” Nadia is looking da’yum sexy tonight with a little white tank top and a skirt with a huge belt and boots. Wow, she thrown down the mic stand. Nadia is back. She’s interesting to watch, she knows how to work the stage. And she sings the song well. Doesn’t need the glory hole I mean, notes like Anwar. Nadia is still one of my favorites even though she won’t win.

T: 3.5
A: 4
J: 4
Cha Cha score: 3.83

Constantpoopoo: “I Can’t Make You Love Me” Ok, so in the interview he’s talking about how he was in high school in the 90’s and how the Seattle Grunge scene really changed his life, and then he comes out & sings Bonnie Raitt? And a mellow Bonnie Raitt? What. The. F? I was expecting some Nirvana or Pearl Jam like maybe “Lithium” or “Jeremy” but “I Can’t Make You Love Me?” The lounge lizard is doing exactly that, lounging on stage as he begins the song. He does do a good job singing the song, and he does have that certain something that makes you want to watch him even though you hate him. I don’t hate Constantlymuggingforthecamera, but he’s not one of my favorites. I am glad he’s in the competition. He’s good snark bait.

V: 3.5
A: 4
J: 4
Cha Cha score: 3.83

Nikko: Some song I have never heard. I just don’t understand with all the songs in the 90’s, the idolettes come up with probably the shittiest selections. Can you imagine if 19E released this compilation cd? New from 19E! “The Idols sing the Greatest Hits…ok, the not so Greatest…ok, Marginal hits….ok, songs you heard…ok ,songs that were released in the 90’s! “ Call I-800-IDOLSUX for your copy. Only $4.99!
Is he done running around the stage yet? Oh, he’s wearing T-shirt, jeans, and a wild ass updated patterned member only-like jacket. He’s doing a lot of runs, or maybe he’s got the runs. R&P love it. Simon says he probably things this was a carbon copy of the original. I have no idea what to make of this performance.

T: 3
A: 3
J: 3
Cha Cha score: 3.00

Anthonia: “Something About The Way You Look Tonight” Great. The 2nd runner up in the AI Queen competition sings the Queen of all Queens. Well, make that 1st runner-up since Miss Vasquezzzzzzz didn’t fulfill her duty as 1st runner-up. Oh, here we go again. In his interview segment he talks about “When I first came to America when I was 9year old, I didn’t know what the term blow me meant” Blah blah blah blah blah, Just quit it with the Coming to America speech. We know. Sheesh. I’m surprised he didn’t sing “Living in America” from the movie “Coming to America.” That was a 90’s song wasn’t it? Feddy is wearing this lime green shirt, nice tight jeans and the fashionably hip again white shoes. He’s not wearing glasses tonight. Ant’s got the front of the lime green shirt tucked into the front of his pants to expose his big buckle belt. Very trendy. This must have been her “casual attire” outfit in the aforementioned AI Queen pageant. He can definitely hit the big notes. Powerful voice but he is just bland. Easy on the eye, good voice, but he just doesn’t shine. Simon says some nasty comments which really hurt Feddy because you can see it in his facial expression and he looked like he was tearing up.

T: 3.5
A: 3
J: 2.5
Cha Cha score:3.0

Carrie: “Independence Day” by Martina McBride. Didn’t someone already sing this song? Or maybe it was on Nashville Star. She talks about daddy cleaning out his guns in the interview. Carrie is wearing a light blouse under a jacket and jeans. She’s got the pipes, no question about that. She’s cute. She’s got her hair curled tonight & I swear she could pass as Reese Witherspoon’s legally blonde character’s sister. Her stage presence is just there but I guess she can work on that. She reminds me of Kelly. Big voice, all American girl, no stage presence. Not as good as last week. And Simon continues his pimp of Carrie by saying she has the “it” factor. Funny, I think Bo, Nadia, Constantine and even Mikalah had more of an “it” factor. Carrie’s still going to win this competition because she’s the chosen one and probably has the most marketability factor.

T: 4
A: 4
J: 3.5
Cha Cha: 3.83

Scott: “One Last Cry” Oh Gawd, not this song again. Last time we heard it was when Camille “sang” it last year in the semi-finals. He’s wearing an untucked oversized vertical stripe over gray slacks. He looks like an escapee from the Broward County Jail.
Misses some notes, hits others.  He’s just not up to the level of the other contestants.
It’s the image & likeability factor.  You just don’t care.

T: 2.5
A: 2
J:2
Cha Cha: 2.17

Vonzell: Looking stunning in a black dress that accentuates her curves. She’s got light curls in her hair & flawless make-up. She looks delicious & spectacular tonight. She wins the fashionista glamour award tonight. She’s going to sing “I Have Nothing” by Rehab Whitney. So far, I have not been impressed with Vonzell. Tonight, she nailed the song. I still think her voice is slightly shrill, but she did a great job. Plus, she’s so damn likeable. I still don’t see her wining this competition but she’s better than Slingblade, Nikko.

T: 4
A:4
J: 3.5
Cha Cha score:  3.83


Vonzel: 3.83
Carrie: 3.83
Constipation: 3.83
Nadia: 3.83
Bo: 3.67
Nikko: 3.00
Jessica: 3.0
Anthony: 3.0
Anwar: 2.5
Slingblade: 2.17

America’s bottom 3:  Scott, Anwar or Anthony, Jessica

I think Scott will get the boot.

I’m still pissed that Tameka’s gone from Nashville star…but that Jason Meadows...woof...he is smokin’ hot. Too bad he’s too old & too country for idol. Ok enough of this crapfest.

Until next week, Cha Cha Cha is OUT of here.

AmIdol - Top 11

Sorry for the delay...I am a bit tardy!

**********************

Hi Kids!

Top 11.  Ryan wearing a red t-shirt that says he likes expensive shirts. 

Tonight’s theme is Billboard #1 hits. They show a clip with Fred Bronson, Billboard Chart Beat writer and author of the book, Billboard’s #1 Hits.

This is going to be short & sweet:

Anthony: “I Knew You Were Waiting For Me” Feds is wearing a T-Shirt, Jacket & jeans. Very Vanilla performance. He’s just not stepping it up. He’s got “soft poofy hair” tonight. A nod to George Michael & his Wham days? What next, Feddy getting busted in the AI bathroom for blowing Simon, Ryan, Randy and Paula?    Fed should have ditched the jacket and showed off the guns.  Minus points for showing no bulge at all in those tight jeans.

Technical: 2.5
Artistic: 2.5
Je Nais Se Quoi: 2.5
Cha Cha: 2.5

Carrie: “Alone” by Heart. Holy Big Ass Wind Blown Hair, Batman. WTF? I get it an ode to the 80’s. Although she looks like she has Bonnie Tyler “Faster than the Speed of Light” album cover hair. Carrie is wearing black tonight. She’s really belting the song. It's quite the change from her Country sounding roots. Simon says she will sell more records than any other idol. Ok, that’s a slap in a face to every other idol contestant. I think the girls on Nashville Star are better performers than Carrie. Good voice, but she’s just a stick in the mud on stage. And I think if she highlighted her hair red & orange, she could be Heat Miser.

T: 4
A: 3
J: 3
Cha Cha: 3.3

Donny Osmond in the house! As a side note, I just ordered Osmondmania or something like that from BMG Music. The Osmond’s greatest hits & more but excluding Jimmy Osmond’s “Long Haired Lover from Liverpool” song. Yeah, I’m sick & twisted. Crazy Horses! Whaaaa Whaaa, Crazy Horses!

Scott: Slingblade is going to sing “Against All Odds” Well, at least it’s one unattractive guy singing another unattractive guy’s song. And what the hell is he wearing? Oversized white t-shirt, baggy pants, long black shirt/coat, cap askew and shades. Dude, it’s not hip-hop night. OMG, he takes off the cap…and now the shades. NO MORE, Slingblade, No More. No Mas. No Mas. Vocally, it was ok, but I just can’t get past the blah factor.
T: 3
A: 2
J: 2
Cha Cha: 2.3

Bo:  “Time In A Bottle”
I love this song! BO starts the song sitting on stage. It’s the softer side of Bo. Black Embroidered shirt with Sanctuary crosses on the shoulders with quilt like patterned pants. He looks like an extra in “Hair”. He’s got a guitar player sitting on stage. Nice job. Simon makes a comment about it doesn’t seem like Bo’s even in a competition. I agree. Bo’s beyond the competition. The rest, except for maybe Nadia are amateurs.
T: 4
A: 4
J: 4
Cha Cha: 4

Nikko:  “Incomplete”
A Sisqo song. Don’t know. Don’t care to know it. Nikko’s all in black tonight. Black Suit with a black trench draped worn almost cloak like and a Fedora. He does look very handsome tonight. But I’m not a fan of his higher pitched, go blow your nose, voice.
He does a lot of runs in this so-oo-oooo-nnn-ooo-oooong-gagagagaga.
T:2.5
A:4
J: 3
Cha Cha: 3.17

Vonzell: “Best of My Love” Ah yes, The Emotions! V’s wearing a pink tank, silver disco belt and what the hell do you call those pants…kulots? She’s got the messy hair tonight. Looks like one of those do’s that a fancy dog might wear. At least she’s showing some personality tonight. The judges like her performance but I thought she was shouting her way through the song. There is nothing special for me for this average performer. And those pants are horrible. I think my grandmother had the exact pant.
T: 3
A: 3
J: 3
Cha Cha: 3

Constantine: “I Think I Love You” So, David Cassidy 2005 is going to sing the Partridge Family’s biggest hits. Too bad Donny was sitting in the audience and not David. And whatever “rocker” credibility that Constantcrappy had left has just been flushed down the toilet. He is officially Vegas now. He’s wearing an unbuttoned Henley t-shirt, under a pinstripe suit and a long striped scarf. SO he’s kind of going for a modern 80’s rocker look singing The Partridge Family. There’s got to be something wrong with this picture. What is this? Sweden? Constantonedeaf is really working that double chin and the song. Simon has the comment of the night when he compares Constipation to, when you order a guard dog, they deliver a poodle in a leather jacket! The dude does have stage presence.

T: 3
A: 3
J:3.5
Cha Cha: 3.2

Nadia: “Time After Time” Wow. What a look. Nads is wearing a Big ass Mohawk tonight. Think Anabella from Bow Wow Wow. Or, if you’ve seen the cover of Dead or Alive’s “Evolution” cd, then it’s the same Mohawk that Pete Burns wears. So the song starts off like the traditional Cyndi Lauper “TAT” but then a sort of a combination ska/electronic two-step/rock version kicks in. It's a different take on Time After Time. Sort of like INOJ’s remake meets The Killers. Interesting. It’s not her best vocally, but I’m glad that she’s bold and takes risks. Unlike some of the other bland contestants. Not sure if this is going to be similar to Tmayra's "New Attitude" performance. Let's hope not.
T: 2.5
A: 3
J: 4
Cha Cha:  3.2

Ok they show that commercial where a model is hooked up to a lie detector and they ask this lady how old she is and she say’s 28. Yeah, right! Like we’re supposed to believe that this 45 year old is 28! At least get a younger looking model to play the part. Sheesh.

Back to the show.

Mikalah: “Love Will Lead You Back” WTF is this stinking pile of doggie doo-doo? This girl, who was once so fun and promising, has lost it. The singing is horrendous and she’s not fun anymore. Randy calls it. What happened to the fun 16-year old from the auditions? And if she was going to perform Taylor Dayne, she should have picked “Prove Your Love” I don’t care if it didn’t go to #1…I think it went #1 on the dance charts so that counts.
T: 1
A: 3
J: 3
Cha Cha: 2.3

Anwar: “Ain’t Nobody  Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan….
Anwar is wearing an unbuttoned down to there green shirt under a brown jacket & jeans. He has long legs. He starts off the song off key or something. It’s just sounding weird. Wrong pitch? He’s working the stage but he looks awkward trying to be funky. From the long shot, he looks like Milli…or is it Vanilli…or is it just plain silly? He hits his trademark last note, but it’s not enough for me. I’m over Anwar.
T: 3
A:3
J:3

Cha Cha: 3.0

Jessica: Costume Queen is going to sing “Total Eclipse of the Heart” which is probably my favorite song choice of the night. Now Jessica looks like Taylor Dayne and she should have sang the song Mikalah sang. Anyhoo, Jessica is wearing this glittery blouse that sort of makes her look like a glittery tulip. And “the girls” are there, but restrained tonight. She’s also got smoky eyes. She does a good job with the song. She’s a belter and this performance is much better than last week. I think Jessica has the best potential for being a white dance diva ala Kristine W or Amber. I don’t think she’s quite up there with Anastacia, but she’s definitely got non-mainstream potential. And come on, you know she’s a fag hag!
T: 3.5
A:3
J: 3.5
Cha Cha:   3.33

So crunching the numbers, here’s how the 11 lambs rank. And mind you, this is taking into account the entire package (but not A-Fed because he didn’t show any tonight) not just voice.

1. Bojangles: 4: Solid as a rock

2. Jessica S: 3.3: Dance Diva Dance

2. Carrie On Wayward…Daughter?: 3.3. Although   
   she was the strongest vocally tonight.

4. Nadia: 3.2: Albeit weak vocals tonight, she
   still has that star quality that holds her   
   up.  OMG, she was Sasha Cohen tonight!

4. Constipation: 3.2:  But only because he does
   have this “I HATE Him” star quality. Paging 
   Paris Hilton

6. Nikko: 3.17:  I still think replacement member
   for the re-formed Boyz II Men.

7. Anwar: 3.0: Dropping faster than Britney’s
   career.

8. Vonzell 3.0:  2-3 more weeks

9. Anthony: 2.5: Maybe he should start inquiring
   about “modeling” opportunities in West 
   Hollywood.

10. Scott:  2.3. Decent voice.  But I just don’t
    want to see him. 

11. Mikalah: 2.3: Memories, Light the corners of
    my mind, misty water-colored memories of the
    way YOU were. Buh-bye. 

America will put Mikalah, Nadia and Scott in the bottom 3.  Mikalah will go.

Well, that’s it for me. I’m done. Can’t we do a “shocking” American Idol episode next week and ax 5 contestants? I don’t think I can endure 10 more weeks!
Be Good, play fair and keep your Cha Cha’s in check!

Cha Cha Cha is OUT of here.

2005 King of the Hardwood

Here are the match-ups for the 2nd Round of the East Region:

(1) Javy Lopez vs. (8) James Blake

(12) Joey Harrington  vs. (4) Drew Brees (featured match-up!)

(6) Kyle Korver vs. (3) Ben Cohen

(10) Tommy Skipper vs. (2) Alexandre Despatie

And the Midwest region is about to wrap up in an hour and the story here is 15-seed Lenny Krayzelburg sticking it to #2 seed David Beckham.  I find this one really surprsing because David made the final four in 2003 and he recently won the ESPN Page 2 hottest male athlete competition. 
So, here's the projection for the 2nd Round int he Midwest region.

(1) David Carr vs. (8) Koji Murofushi

(5) Jan Michael Gambill vs. (4) Brian Urlacher

(6) Brad Ausmus vs. (3) Mike Alstott

(7) Pat Burrell vs. (15) Lenny Krayzelburg

The Southeast Region will be on Monday and the West Region will be on Wednesday.
Fun!

Bracketology

AmIdol - The Top 12

Hi Kids!

After weeks of preliminaries, we finally get to the top 12. But before I begin, I would like to announce that I am quitting the cha cha cha report for personal reasons. I do not want to discuss the reason I’m quitting because it’s personal. I thought about calling a press conference and going on every talk show in America to announce that I am quitting due to personal reasons, but since it was for personal reasons, I thought a damage control tour was not necessary. But I do want to tell everyone that I am quitting for personal reasons and I would like to personally thank everyone on this board for being great and supportive. But for personal reasons, I just have to stop. Personally. Really. It is personal. And I am not gay. But even if I was, it would be personal. OK I am gay. But it’s personal. And that’s not why I’m quitting. Really.

Ok, you bastards have drug it out of me. I’ll tell. I am sick and tired of all these so called reality contestants/hacks going on national television knowing what they are getting into and then wasting everyone’s time by quitting. I don’t give a flying fu*k if it is for personal reasons. You hooked us in, you put yourself in that position, fu*k your personal reasons and either stay on the show or spill it. Fine. Mario Vasquezzzzzz leave the show. Take your personal reasons and your suitcase full of hats and go back to New York, you 28 year old should have already been a star but didn’t make it in O-Town “performer” and blow it out you’re a$$! Wow. Such anger. Such venom. But whew, that’s a load off my chest!

ON with the show!!! Out Mario (tee hee hee), in Nikko! Ryan shows a clip where he announces this week’s theme to the idolettes. He ask Bo a question about Chubby Checker and the twist and Bo mentions it’s from the 60’s. Now, I don’t think of Chubby Checker as the 60’s. I think more of The Beatles. They show a moment that completely shoots all credibility of the entity known as “the Rockers.” Ryan makes them stand up and do the twist. Constatinly a whore gladly stands up, Bo not so, and they do the twist. Gouge out my eyes NOW. Ick. Needless to say, the theme for tonight’s show is any song from the 60’s.

We have a new stage but it must be by the same Gawdy designer. A bigger band and a bigger audience. Same judges.

1st up is Jessica Sierra. She’s going to sing “Shop Around” Jessica is wearing a tight orange blouse under a white jacket that has bright flowers sewn into the shoulders, and tight jeans with a big ass belt. OK, that blouse is not the most flattering on the girl as it makes her look 6 months pregnant. But at least she’s got the girls covered up this week. Her smoky voice is interesting to me and I like it, but I just don’t know if I like her. There is nothing spectacular about this performance. It’s one of those performance that if you were shopping in a mall, you would pause for a sec to see who’s singing and then continue on with your shopping. Not at a Beverly Hills mall, mind you. Heavens no. Not with this girl. She’s more like a performer in a mall in Fresno.

Breaking out the trial new Cha Cha Cha rating system:

Technical Merit: Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha Cha
Je ne sais Quoi (JNSQ) factor: 2.5
Total Score: 2.2 Cha’s

Anwar is going to sing “A House Is Not a Home.” Ok, I still get chills just thinking about Miss Tamyra’s performance of this song in AI1 so I’m already thinking “Oh no, uh-uh, Miss thing is NOT going to try to sing a song and outdo Miss Tamyra is she?” First of all he looks good tonight dressed all in black tonight. His hair is pulled back in a bun with a black scrunchie. Kidding. He’s wearing an open black pirate shirt that is open down to there ($14.99 from international male), a long black coat ($24.99 winter clearance sale at International Male) and black slacks ($19.99 international male, page 24). I bet he’s even wearing black underwear from International Male or that underwear catalogue Undergear? He looks like a cross between a Gay Morpheus from the Matrix and an extra from “Interview with a Vampire” So Lestat, I mean, Anwar sings the damn AHINAH song. But I don’t think it’s the right song for him. His rendition is too slow and drawn out. His pitch is all over the place. It just doesn’t have the spark of his preliminary performances. It was ok, but not great. I wonder if he can get credit from IM if he returns the outfit?

Technical Merit: Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha Cha
JNSQ factor: 4
Total Score: 2.7 Cha’s

If this is going to be a trend tonight, maybe I really should quit!

Mikalah. Alright! She’s going to sing Dusty Springfield’s “Son of a Preacher Man” Tough one. Didn’t Camille Velasco butcher this song last year? Well, Mikalah Drescher is wearing a shimmering crop top exposing a whole lot of skin, low-rise black pinstripe pants, big hair and a lot of make-up. She looks so much older than 16/17. She looks like a performer and she has a spark. I don’t know about the performance. Dusty didn’t have the greatest voice but she made it work. Mikalah has the spark, but not the greatest voice. I don’t think it was as bad as the judges made it out to be because she really “performed” the song. I didn’t hate it, but it was not vocally strong. But she is sasssss-ay.

Technical Merit: Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha Cha
JNSQ factor: 4
Total score: 2.3 Cha’s

Constantine: He’s going to sing “You Make Me So Very Happy” Tonight constipation is wearing a long sleeved blue shirt with the top two or three buttons unbuttoned and brown or gray slacks. He’s actually doing a good job with the song. Ding! OMG! He’s the new David Cassidy! He’s Keith Partridge 2005. Constantpainintheass should have auditioned for VH-1’s the new Partridge family show. You never know, since he’s already been whoring himself out on elimidate. So he does a decent job on the song. I don’t like his voice and I thought his last note was bitchy, or rather pitchy. And he has puffy chin. Constantcravingforattention’s greatest strength is his stage presence.

Technical Merit: Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha Cha
JNSQ factor: 4
Total score: 2.7 Cha’s

Lindsey Cardinale de Mato: “Knock On Wood.” Yeah, can we take that piece of wood and just knock her out of the show? She’s wearing a black blouse, jeans and a velvet choker. See, I knew it! They called up Julia DeMato, chopped off her head and sewed it on Lindsey’s body. That choker hides the stitching. This girl is horrible. No stage presence. Not memorable at all. I mean come on, if everyone and their mother thinks she reminds them of Julia DeMato, that’s can’t be a good thing! Jessica is doing the patented shit squat move…and again, and again, and again! Girl, just do it already and get off the can. Frankly, I don’t even remember what she sounded like. The judges torch her. I’m not wasting any more space on her.

Technical Merit: Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha
JNSQ factor: 1
Total score: 1 Cha

Anthony: The Fed (hot bod) is going to sing “Breaking Up Is Hard To Do” (hot bod)– ballad version. Oooh, looky looky, someone is showing off the guns (hot bod) tonight. Fievel is wearing a tight polo (hot bod) and black pinstripe slacks. No, it’s not the same pinstripes that Mikalah wore (hot bod), although after seeing Mr. Fedorov’s tight (hot sex) bod, maybe he should have worn the top (hot bod) that Mikalah wore so we could have seen some skin (dirty sex)and seen if he has a six-pack (hot bod). I though he did a good job singing (tie him up) the song. It wasn’t stimulating (hot bod) or knock it out of the ball (hot sex) park good, but it was much better than some of the other performances (hot bod). Yes, it was loungey, but he surprised me with his look (hot Murena sex) .

Technical Merit: Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha Cha Cha (hot bod)
JNSQ factor: 2.5
Total score: 2.5 Cha’s

Nadia: Dusty Springfield’s (another one?) “You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me.” First of all, she looks hot tonight. Very glamorous. Nadia is wearing a teal spaghetti strap dress that accentuates her figure and shows off her long legs. Wow. Smokin’! Sizzle. Ssssssssssss. She’s doing a fabulous job with the song. She changes the song just a little to add a little Nadia flare. The girl knows how to perform. It’s to the point now where I look forward to seeing what she’s going to do each week. Star quality. At this point, she’s Michelle Kwan.

Technical Merit: Cha Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha Cha Cha
JNSQ factor: 5
Total score: 3.7 Cha’s

Bo Bice: “Spinning Wheel.” The perfect song for Bo. He says he’s performed this song many times with his band. It shows. Wearing a black shirt (from Cher’s Sanctuary collection?) and the obligatory black "rocker" leather pants. OK BO’s going into the audience and the “second stage” behind the judges…and he’s taking his mi stand with him. And now he’s going back on stage….and taking the mic stand with him. Who does he think he is, Eddie Montgomery from Montgomery Gentry? What next, is he going to propeller twirl the mic stand like Eddie Montgomery? Bo does a good job with the song and really worked the stage and audience tonight. He’s stepped up his artistic marks.

Technical Merit: Cha Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha Cha (minus for carrying that mic stand around like a puppy).
JNSQ factor: 4
Total score: 3.3 Cha’s

Vonzell: “Anyone Who Has a Heart” Wow, she looks nice tonight in that red dress. And new hairdo! No more Omorossa! And she ditched the gaudy eye shadow for a more subdued look. Nice. She’s actually showing some signs of talent but only a little. Simon got it right by saying that Vonzell has been middle of the pack and she needs to do something to make her stand out. Maybe if she goes postal (sorry, couldn’t resist) on Nadia, Bo, Constantine and Carrie, she’ll stand out.

Technical Merit: Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha Cha
JNSQ factor: 3
Total score: 2.3 Cha’s

Scott Savol: “Ain’t Too Proud To Beg” Oh no, he’s doing Motown. He’s not going to dance is he? Please don’t let Slingblade dance. WTF is he wearing? He’s wearing a white t-shirt under a suede coat and also wearing matching suede pants. For a moment there I thought he was Dr. Zeus from Planet of the Apes. Wasn’t it the Orangutan’s that wore the brown outfits? Slingblade needs a style make-over mmm hmm. This guy has a sweet, smooth voice but he is just not easy on the eye. At least he’s keeping dancing to a minimum and he’s working the stage and audience by walking around. Walking good. Slingblade dancing bad. As he passes Randy, it dawns on me that with the same hairdo and the glasses, he looks like a white version of pre-surgery Randy! Dawg! I just don’t know about Scott. I like his voice, I don’t like his image and I don’t like his song selection. But I like him better than some of the other contestants.

Technical Merit: Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha
JNSQ factor: 2
Total score: 2.0 Cha’s

Carrie: “When Will I Be Loved.” First of all, she looks great tonight. A brown loose top with jeans and accented by a glittery gold scarf. She has straight her hair tonight and the make-up is perfect. But her performances are just bleh. Maybe she needs to change her last name to Underwhelming. She has a great pure Country voice that would make her a star in the Country music field. But her stage presence is just bland. I sound like a broken record! Maybe she needs to watch some Nashville Star and see how some of the gals perform on that show. Randy & Paula don’t like it, but Simon goes back to his pimping his favorite.

Technical Merit: Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha Cha
JNSQ factor: 3
Total score: 2.3 Cha’s

Nikko: He’s singing the fittingly appropriate “I Want You Back” Tito is wearing a white T-shirt under a black jacket, and baggy jeans. No ass. He’s a skinny little thing. He reminds me of DJ Jazzy Jeff. All the time he was performing all I could think about was “too bad Mario quit” And then it was over. I don’t even remember what Nikko sounded like. He may be safe this week but he will soon be gone if he doesn’t step it up. But there’s nothing to step up because I see him more of a group performer rather than a solo. Are there any plans to do B2KII?

Technical Merit: Cha Cha
Artistic Merit: Cha
JNSQ factor: 1.5
Total score: 1.5 Cha’s

Overall what a snooze fest of a show. American Idozed Off! The only real standouts tonight were by far Nadia and maybe Bo. The rest were ok. Factoring in the three rating variables, here’s how they stacked up on the Cha Cha Cha rate-o-meter:

Nadia: 3.7
Bo: 3.3
Constantine: 2.7
Anwar: 2.7
Anthony 2.5
Vonzell 2.3
Carrie 2.3
Mikalah 2.3
Jessica 2.2
Scott 2.0
Nikko 1.5
Lindsey 1.0

America votes will probably put Nikko, Lindsey and Mikalah in the bottom three with (cross your fingers) Lindsey getting the boot out into the land of oblivion.

Doing 12 reviews is draining! Until next week, be good, stay clean and keep your damn personal reasons to yourself, m’kay?

Cha Cha Cha is OUT of here.

2005 King of the Hardwood - East Region Round 1

The tournament has begun with the East Region!

After day 1, there are some close battles going on.  The biggest upset so far is #13 Alexi Nemov leading #4 Drew Brees  34-32.

The tightest race is beetween #6 Kyle Korver and #11 John Zimmerman as they are tied at 33.

#9 Albert Pujols continues to maintain a 2 vote lead over #8 James Blake 34 - 32.

You can vote at Outsports.

Outsports KOTH - East Region Round 1

March Madness

And so it begins!  I have released teh brackets for the 2005 Outsports King of the Hard Wood competition.  last time, the field included actors and models but this year is limited to athletes.  I think this years competition will be fierce.  Jeremy Bloom will have his work cut out in trying to defend his title.

Games begin on Tuesday, 3/15/05. Go to Outsports and look in the Hot Jocks for the KOTH thread and vote for your favorite jock!

2005 King of the Hard Wood Brackets

Mario quits

So, Mario quits AI. Curious.  He was one of my favorites, but I don't think he would have won the competition.  At least they are bringing back Nikko Nikko.  Anyone really care?   

March Madness

And so it begins.  I think I'm limiting myself to two pools this year.  One for the office and one for Outsports.  I'm thinking Illinois/Duke with Illinois going all the way, but I'm not quite solid on that pick yet.

Download ncaa_mens.pdf

Am Idol - Cha Cha Cha Report

Hi Kids!

8 men left, 2 more men to be whacked. Why don’t we just get it over with and say goodbye to Travis Tucker & Slingblade now. Let’s not waste our time. Come on, Ryan, just call the whole damn thing off. No? Oh well. On with the show.

So tonight they are doing some sort of astrology crap in the profile segments. We get to see the sign of the final eight guys. Like it matters. The only sign I care about is the Exit sign for Slingblade and Travis.

First up is Scott. To no one’s surprise, he’s Taurus the bull. “I Can’t Help Myself”. Oh Gawd. I haven’t seen this kind of bad white boy dancing since Matthole Rogers last year. At least Slingblade can sing. But that’s not good enough. You still have to look at him. He’s painful to watch and just doesn’t have the “I care about this guy” factor. Randy & Paula must have taken serious meds tonight because they really like him. Ick.

Bo: Scorpio. He sings “I’ll Be”. Slowing things down this week. It’s the softer side of Bo. It’s good, but not fabulous. Simon says he feels at this point its Bo’s competition to lose. Bo said he sang this song man times at weddings. And he sang this song as a promise to his uncle.

Anthony. Another Taurus. Fievel tells us that he came over to the States from the Ukraine when he was 9 years old and learned English. I thought for a second he was going to throw in a “God Bless America” and “Support our Troops” but he didn’t. He does his best Marc Anthony/Jon Secada imitation. Fievel has a very sooth and powerful voice and he actually does well with the song. He moves around the stage but not in an uncomfortable way. Randy & Paula love it while Simon compares it to Clay’s Grease dance….yeah, not touching that one. I thought Trachy did well tonight.

Nikko: Wow, yet another Taurus. Nikko Nikko sings “Georgia On My Mind” although he’s really thinking about Daddy and St Louis. Something about his singing is a little off for me. I’m not crazy about Nikko Nikko but the performance should be good enough for the Top 12, but I don’t think he’s one of the top guys.

Travis: Aries. Bobby Brown’s “Every Little Step”. It’s more like every little mistake. Horrible rendition. T’s dancing around up there like a fool. Why the hell is he still there and The Bulge sits at home? I thought last week was bad, but this week is stupefying. Bad Bad Bad. I wish Mad TV’s Debra Wilson and Aries Spiers would have been there portraying Bobby & Whitney and having Whitney just thrash the shit out of Travis. Horrible vocals. Then again, he IS doing a Bobby Brown song. And WTF is Paula on? She’s definitely high if she likes him. Yes, Paula, he’s unique. He’s unique to the remaining guys because he’s the only one that SUCKS. But damn, he’s handsome.

Mario: Gemini. No hat tonight. He sings “How Can You Mend A Broken Heart.” Very subdued performance for Mario. He’s showing his mellow side. This guy’s a pro. Very confident. He may not be the strongest vocally, but he knows how to use his voice. He’s also one of the more polished performers.

Constantine: “Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic” Wow. The Police? That’s a first. Interesting song choice by Constapation-stine. This guy has charisma but I don’t like the voice. Weird song selection and it’s just not working for me. It’s like someone drug him onstage and told him to sing something. For the life of me, I don’t know what Randy & Paula are hearing tonight. Simon hates it. Simon is on the mark tonight!

Anwar: The final Taurus for the evening. “What A Wonderful World”. Very nice rendition. Not sappy at all. Excellent vocals and control. He nails it tonight. He also looks great in a black turtleneck and slacks. Hair pulled back. Excellent.

Cha Cha Cha gold shoe: Anwar
Cha Cha Cha Silver: Anthony
Cha Cha Cha Bronze: Mario

Cha Cha Cha kick your ass off the show: Travis, Slingblade.

And we should now have the Final 6 men.

Tomorrow night is the women and hopefully the last night of Janay “Deer In Headlights” Castine. Until then, be good and play nice with the other kids at work.

Cha Cha Cha is OUT of here.